


bonding

by haplesspunk



Category: Suits (US TV)
Genre: Baby Fic, F/M, Post-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:20:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24376411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haplesspunk/pseuds/haplesspunk
Summary: Harvey's scared he won't be able to bond with his daughter, and Donna finds a solution.
Relationships: Donna Paulsen/Harvey Specter
Kudos: 22





	bonding

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! One more baby fic based on a tweet by the angel that is Jessica (@Ipaulsenspecter), who always provides the sweetest headcanons. I hope I'm living up to your expectations, Jess! 
> 
> Mandy, I'll never be able to thank you enough for all of your support. ❤

It's not that he's jealous, not at all. It's only been a few weeks, but the sight of his wife and daughter together quickly became one of his favorites. Plus, he's aware their baby is entirely dependent on her mother now. He wouldn't change a thing.

That's just it, though. He's scared that her dependency on her mother means she won't need him as she gets older, no matter what he does. He already feels kind of left out, if he's honest. He's always making sure they're both well and taken care of, but the baby's always asking for her mother in her own way.

Yes, it's stupid, he knows it's stupid and he doesn't even wanna tell Donna because she literally gave birth a few weeks ago and throughout this whole pregnancy she's the one who dealt with the worst of it all, so his own issues seem very little by comparison. 

Of course, nothing gets past the woman and now he feels stupid for trying to hide anything from her, albeit unconsciously.

Donna calls him out on it when he's staring absently at them while she feeds their daughter.

"Harvey." 

"Huh?" He looks up, focusing on her. 

"You okay?" She asks gently, looking from him to the sleepy baby in her arms. He follows her gaze, notices the tiny eyelids drooping while her mouth goes slack slightly. He smiles. 

"Yeah," he says, still mostly paying attention to the infant, memorizing every detail in her face, as he's been doing ever since they got home. 

"Harvey." Her voice stronger now as she gives him a look that means she does want to talk to him. And that she knows something's up with him.

"It's just–" He takes a deep breath, exhales. Wonders how he can start this. "What if she doesn't need me?"

"What?" She seems taken aback and he's sure whatever she thought he was gonna say wasn't this.

"You have everything she needs right now. What if I can't bond with her, and she'll grow up thinking I don't care about her?" 

"Harvey, where is this coming from?" 

"I'm scared I won't be a good father, Donna."

The look she gives him both fills and breaks his heart. She bites her lower lip, glancing from the baby to his face. "Come here."

He approaches, dropping to his knees right next to the rocking chair and she gets closer to his face, dropping a small kiss on his lips, nudging his nose with hers.

"Wanna know what I think?"

He has an idea, but he looks at her expectedly.

"I think you're a wonderful father for doing your best to keep up with your work and trying to make sure you're around here for whatever we need. And the fact that you're worried about that already tells me you're gonna do your best to change that."

He doesn’t reply, instead, he looks at his daughter as he caresses her onesie covered foot.

Donna cocks her head to the side, a curious look on her face. “You’re not insecure like this, Harvey.” 

“You of all people know how my relationship with my mom was. And I loved my dad but I know he wasn’t the best. I don’t want my daughter to grow up resenting me.”

"You just have to give it time." Donna strokes his cheek, smiling softly, then looks at the infant sleeping in her arms. "Look, she's out. Wanna burp her and put her in her crib?"

He gently picks her up from Donna's arms and places her on his shoulder, patting her back and whispering soothing words to keep her down. After a few minutes he places her on her crib, staring for a little while more, feeling Donna's hand caressing his back, then hugging him from behind, her head on his shoulder.

“We did well, didn’t we?” He nuzzles her cheek and she smiles.

“Did you expect anything different?”

“Not at all,” he whispers as he drops a kiss on her face.

...

He's loading their dirty dishes from dinner on the dishwasher when Donna calls him out from the bathroom. He approaches and sees the baby in her arms, a bath laid out in front of them. 

"Wanna give her a bath now?"

" _You_ are taking a bath with her, mister."

He raises his eyebrows and smiles. They’ve done every bath time together so far, which makes him a little nervous but he’s excited to try it out anyway.

“Yeah?” She’s smiling, but looking at him makes her smile bigger. He loves making her happy even by existing.

"Yeah. Get in."

He takes his clothes out and lays in the tub sighing at the warm water involving him. He glances at Donna expectantly, and she places the baby on his chest. 

"Hey, baby girl," he breathes. He marvels at her, so tiny and so perfect and he can't move, because he can't believe he gets to hold something that precious in his arms.

"You okay there?" Donna's amused voice cuts into his thoughts. He gives her a weak smile as he exhales.

“I don’t wanna hurt her.”

“You won't.”

He bends his knees and places her on his lap, making sure the water level isn't dangerous to her. He grabs the washcloth Donna hands him and begins to gently wash the baby's face, neck, and torso. He chuckles as he hears her gurgles. 

“You like that, huh? Do you like having a bath with daddy?” She keeps making happy noises, which he gladly accepts as a yes.

He looks at Donna and she's smiling so wide at them, he feels a lump on his throat and he thinks of how long it took them to get there. 

They're at the happiest they've been with their daughter and he wouldn't change anything, not that he would before. But he thinks of the amount of time they wasted before they could get to this. And he still can't help but feel a pang of regret.

It's a fleeting thought though because he makes sure to focus on his task, which is making sure his daughter is still making all those happy sounds. He carefully picks her up to hug her to him, and with Donna's help he washes her back. She keeps cooing happily, and Donna laughs. 

Both sounds are his favorite things in the whole world. 

"I took a bath with her last week, and we had a great time."

“You did?"

“Yeah, when you had that dinner thing with Mike."

“Aw man,” he groans. “I can’t believe I missed it to make small talk with a bunch of boring men.” He looks down at the baby as he places her back on his lap. “Did you like it?"

“She loved it," Donna answers for her. "And now you will.”

“If Mommy says it, then it is true. Mommy is always right.” 

“Got that right.” She caresses the baby’s head and drops a kiss on his. “Now, can I leave you guys?”

He smiles. “Yeah, we’ll be okay.”

He watches Donna leave and grabs a plastic cup she left nearby, to fill up with water and pour over her torso. She squeals and he gives her a big smile.

He plays with her for a while, pouring water over her from time to time as well as grabbing a few noisy toys they brought even though she doesn't care about them now. She keeps moving and cooing happily and he's sure she's even smiling.

“I know I’m no Mommy but we’re doing well, aren’t we?” The baby sighs contently as if in response. “And I know you can’t live without her now, but I hope you’ll get to need me too, at some point.”

He stares at his perfect little daughter and strokes her face with his fingers, from the barely-there eyebrows to her nose and mouth and chin.

"And I don’t blame you at all, you know. Mommy is pretty great. I wouldn’t be able to live without her either. I don’t even mean in that 'I love her so much I will die' way, which is also true, but I mean in an actual way. She kept my ass in check for years.” He pauses. “Don’t tell her I said ass. I will pay attention when you’re learning words. Anyway, she’s had my back for years. I don’t know what kind of lawyer, father, man I’d be without her.”

  
  


He sees her eyes wanting to close already but he keeps going, in a softer voice.

“I never thought it was possible to love someone this much for so long, you know? I’ve loved her since we met. And then I never thought I’d be able to love someone else just as much, and you came along. You girls are my world.” He chokes up and glances at the door when he hears a sniffle.

“Nothing you haven’t heard before.” He chuckles, his eyes shining with tears.

“I know, but–” She sniffles. “Damn it, I didn’t mean to cry.”

He laughs and looks from her to the baby. “Hey, baby ears.”

“Didn’t you say ass minutes ago?”

“Okay, let’s not start pointing fingers.”

He nods for her to approach them and she crouches down next to the tub, a tremulous smile adorning her face. 

“It’s all true.”

“I know.”

“And I’ll always make sure you know that. Her too.”

“I know.” Donna chuckles. 

He smiles softly at her as if he’s taking in her features for the very first time. He’s crazy about her. It’s surreal to him how many years it’s been since they’ve been something, and yet his love for her keeps increasing. He thought that was impossible.

“I know,” she repeats once more, trying not to get choked up. “Come on, Dad, you’re gonna put her to bed now.” She strokes the back of his neck and moves to get their sleepy baby out of the tub, with him eagerly following.

  
  



End file.
